Finally, after slapping on some toner, the facialist unsheathed my hands and sent me on my way with a hand-written list of skincare guidelines.

When I reached the changing room and had a look in the mirror, I realized the full impact of the extractions. My cheeks, chin and forehead were swollen and red. Some newly-emptied pores had tiny spots of blood in them. The skin felt bumpy to the touch and was very sore. I couldn't help but wonder if the potential benefits of extracting and refining the oils were worth it. Even if the areas in question seemed dirty and coarse to some, so what? Does that mean they should be subject to violent intrusion? Left open to the elements, with no protection? All this devastation for a little oil?

“Don't worry,” Ruth told me later. “In a couple of days your skin will just be glowing.”

Sadly, that didn't happen. As the days went by, my ego got over the shock. The pores inevitably filled up again, and I couldn't see a bit of difference in my skin's appearance. I was left to ponder the realization that I had endured this trauma and discomfort for no net gain.

Oat Days a Week
Spa facials have a few major drawbacks. They're not exactly cheap, for one thing. They are also time-consuming and may use harsh chemicals. They also require a certain level of blind faith in the facialist. For all of these reasons, I jumped at the chance to try a home treatment. For advice, I went to my friend Jessica, who is a big proponent of natural beauty treatments. She gave me a recipe for a facial using a few simple things most of us have lying around.

First, you put a handful of crushed dried oregano in a bowl and pour boiling water over it. Cover the bowl and your head with a towel, sealing your face in all the steamy herbal goodness. You stay like this for about 10 minutes. The effects are more profound than you might think. The oregano-infused steam feels oddly prickly against your skin. It can also be a bit difficult to breathe, so you may want to have someone on hand to help you just in case. Or that person may just want to stick around to make fun of you.

Once you're good and steamed, you head over to a sink. If at all possible, please use the kitchen sink. This next step is quite messy and can easily clog a bathroom drain. Take some ground up whole oats and mix them with water to make a paste. You want the paste to be pliable enough to smear all over your face. And yes, it is as much fun as it sounds. Leave the oatmeal on for another twenty minutes. The person who spotted you during the steaming will definitely want to hang around for this part, as you will look absolutely ridiculous. You should also keep a kitchen towel handy, as bits of your facial treatment may fall off if you suddenly start laughing hysterically at how silly you look.

I found the most challenging part of this treatment was removing the oatmeal from my face. The thing about oatmeal is that it is quite absorbent. I found that just splashing water around didn't really help; it just made the paste more pasty. I finally resorted to a combination of peeling and rinsing. All in all, it took about 10 minutes to be absolutely oat-free.

The only thing left to do is apply a moisturizer. Not wanting to stray from natural ingredients, I used aloe vera gel. The results were really remarkable. My skin did glow this time around. It wasn't shiny or red, just very smooth-looking and even-textured. It was also incredibly soft. Even my spotter, who had so enjoyed mocking my appearance, had to admit the effect was worth it. Best of all, all of the necessary materials cost less than $5.

Of course, the glistening skin and baby's butt softness didn't last very long. By the time I woke up the next morning, my skin was back to normal. Still, I could see myself making this facial into a weekly routine.