By Moe

Name: Dan Woodward Height: 5'6 Weight: 165 Place of birth: Lewiston, NY Position: Goalie Shoots: Left Beer of Choice: Genesee, Rolling Rock, Labatt's Blue, Molson Canadian, basically anything that isn't from the Anheuser-Busch family of swill Nicknames: Woody, Woodsy, Little Dahmer Fast Facts: Grew up near Love Canal, which explains spooky glow at night...Finished 4th in Lewiston Central HS Great Glue Sniff-Off...Likes fast cars and fast women...During a three-game stint in '87 with the Manitoba Moose of the IHL, spent 225 minutes in the penalty box...Legally blind...Has never played goal in his life. Career stats: GAMES W-L SAVE % GAA 0 0-0 100% 0.00 More information as we get it.

Moe's is an equal opportunity employer, blah blah blah.