Name: Jenn Danko
Nickname: Mad dog, Sparky, JD, spark-nuts, 1-4, manimal, pipes, anything-but-"Jenn-nay"-in-that-annoying-Forrest-Gump-tone-of-voice
Height: 5'6"
Shoots: Jameson, often.
Weight: A-buck-two-five
Position: Defense with intent to assault
Beer of choice: Hacker-Pshorr, extra lemon
Background: I helped make the mighty Beloit College Buccaneers floor hockey squad an intramural legend from 1996 to 1999. Playing as the lone female under the odious cloak of "The Devastators" (yes, lots of sweaty, o-linemen on the floor) my former teammates and I still hold the college record for "most steals in a season" and "most time spent in the penalty box." Išve ditched the football thugs since college, and now I want to bring my speed and tenacious-D to Moešs lineup. Grrrrr . . .

Oh yeah, Išm from Cicero. Anyone high-sticks us, I got "connections."
Career stats: Still got those bruises from back in 1997 . . .