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PAST MOE'S

 Moe's Tavern Shopper - Winter 2005 Vol. 2

By Natasha

  • Moe's Tavern Shopper
  • The Rock 'Em Sock 'Em edition
  • No offense to Grapes and all, but
  • Where's Ron MacLean when you need him?

First, the good news
After an off season that included the now-infamous SportsMonster lockout, the departure of Sean the Goalie, and the loss of the all-too-briefly recruited Missy, who would have thought we could start out 2-0? Not me, I'll tell you that much. I've seen Moe's Tavern pull some miracles out of its collective ass before (championship Sunday of 2000 springs to mind), but this type of valiance in the face of adversity is unprecedented.

We beat them, and then we beat them
Of course, you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. Or, in this case, beating the shit out of someone. I'm not entirely sure what happened out there because I spent most of the second half cowering behind Scott. All I know is that, down three goals, bruised and possibly suffering low-grade concussions, the Cullen Dogs (sic?) threw up their hands and mumbled, "no mas." Somewhere, even Roberto Duran is a little confused.

They only beat him thrice; he didn't beat them at all
After a block-buster trade with the Magnetogorsk Metallurgists, Scott made his debut between the pipes for Moe's Tavern. Oh and what a debut! He made us laugh, he stopped some very tough shots, and he let me hide behind him. Also, though he may have some basic vocabulary limitations, he totally speaks better Russian than me. And that's sad because I studied Russian for four years in college. And I'm rumored to be fluent. Of course, by "studied" I mean "drank" and by "Russian" I mean "vodka." And by "for four years" I mean "constantly." And by "fluent" I mean "drunk."

Quote of the Game
Scott (shortly after the onset of fight #28): "Do you want to go get a coffee?"

Aspen Edge Player of the Game
Please understand that until we have more women on the roster, Tricia and I will always be the implicit players of the game. Whoever is named in the Shopper can have the glory, but we get all of the Aspen Edge, Keystone Light, Acme Ice Paks and Advil associated with this honor. With that said, this week's player of the game is Jake. He gave a lot of the old how's she goin' and skated off with the hattie.

GAME TIME CHANGE
Please note that next week's game has been moved from 3:00 pm to 2:00 pm. This should ease some of the Superbowl related tension we've all been feeling. We are playing Tom's team, which means that Tom's team's women probably won't sub for us. Also, after undergoing a botched hockey ball tracheotomy this week, I shudder to think which of my fragile body parts Tom will attempt to injure in his continuing quest to "accidentally" maim me. We will be without Scott, although Steve tells me he has recruited someone who has goaltending equipment. We're not sure if said equipment includes goaltending skill, but we're hopeful. We will also be without Jimmy, who has a houseguest. A house guest called The Superbowl. Dude, don't kid a kidder, Jimmy. There are still no women on this team. That is all.

[Shopper ends]

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