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By Natasha
- Moe's Tavern Shopper
- This edition is slightly giddy
- Because the air's a little thin up here
- On top of the heap
LoGs of Luck
I may never find cause to write this phrase again, but the Legion of Goon did us a huge favor this week. They beat Kincade's, the only other undefeated team left in the league. And that means that against all odds, the gracefully aging, chick repellent, revolving-door-goaltended Moe's Tavern Winter 2005 squad now sits in first place with only two regular season games remaining. Say what you will about the quality of the competition this season, I still think this registers as a very impressive accomplishment.
On Crap
Speaking of the competition, I really didn't care for our opponents this
week. I get annoyed with people who act like complete jerks but are
convinced that they're charming and eccentric. I saw nothing charming or
eccentric in almost having my head knocked off by a high stick, nor was I
the slightest bit amused when one guy told Greg to smile more. And for the
record, no one is going to buy your "aw-shucks-I-was-just-goofing-around"
routine when you play the second half chippier than Doritos factory. Maybe
if you weren't ten pounds of jackass jammed in a five pound sack, we'd all
be a little more cheerful.
Impressive Returns
A few of our wandering brethren rejoined the team this week and were major
contributors. Tricia "Suntan" Nixt made the long, sad journey back from the
tropics and used her lingering winter resentment to fuel a furnace of
offensive production. Scott "Hasek" Steele flew in from Heathrow and dazzled
all with a fine performance despite evidently being on crack. Moe
blackmailed Oxygen Emery into a pony-ride-free performance up front. Last
but certainly not least, the Tavern boasted a veritable embarrassment of
women as Casey joined us for a second consecutive week. Although I did note
with bitter amusement several shifts during which all three fe-Moes were on
the floor at once. Not like we need the rest or anything, guys.
Newcastle Brown Ale Player of the Game
You can't argue against Tricia, who came within a goalie's face mask of a
hat trick.
Quote of the Game
Jake (spoken to Natasha after arriving a tad late): Wait a minute, you're
not out there. Did the game start yet?
Important note from the front office
Steve dusted off the old abacus, did a couple of laps on the slide rule, and
determined that the fee this season is $90 per person. This is a tad higher
than in seasons past because, as you may have noticed by now, we have less
people on our active roster. The important thing is that Steve loves us all
and thinks we're beautiful people. So please bring cash or check to Sunday's
game, or mail your payment to Steve at an address I drink too much to
remember from year to year.
Easy as falling off a LoG
I'm not trying to freak anyone out, but this Sunday's game is massive for
us. If we can fell the Legion of Goon we stand a very good chance of
securing the top seed for the playoffs. Plus, I just really like beating
them. We're on at noon, which means we won't be able to grab any subs from
an earlier game. For this reason, it's very important that you tell Moe
whether or not you will make it this week so we can find a sub.
Here endeth the Shopper. Go forth in peace.