By Moe

• Moe's Tavern Shopper
  
• Spring Fling Edition
  
• Stairway to Heaven
  
• Powerbrokered Oscar D'Angelo
  
• D'Angelo - a man you can trust

No games this Sunday due to Easter

Tough opener
What a weird, wacky opening game we had. Moe's Tavern is feeling a bit discombobulated right now. First, we barely had an off-season. Second, we lost three players we thought had signed contracts. Our lawyers are investigating. Finally, we get off to our customary big lead and then total weirdness sets in. As professionals, we will put it behind us.

INTRODUCTIONS
I'd like to introduce this season's rookies.

Natasha Julius joins us full-time after a cup o' coffee with the big team last winter. She will play defense and quick-thinking wit. Natasha replaces Lisa, who will remain an on-call sub.

David Zivan played his first game with a massive hangover, which makes him a contender for Rookie of the Year honors. He will play forward and Bloody Mary mixer. Zivan replaces Crash Brown, who is undergoing septum surgery and isn't expected back until the fall.

Mike II, not to be confused with the Mark II, has been called up from Florida to replace Trevor, who will be on a scouting assignment in the Far East this spring.

The Woodman is also taking an unexpected leave.

STRATEGY
There have been some discussions of mixing the genders at forward and defense. I have mixed feelings, but I think it's really up to the womenfolk. If they wanna play forward, it's really up to them.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Cate is proud of her bruises, and she should be. From my vantage point in the nets, I could see that she played a monster game - and got hacked to pieces to doing it. I almost thought she might be provoked into violence; in fact I kind of wish she would've finally unloaded on that guy and rendered his tiny little weenie useless. But then she would've been kicked out of the league and we can't afford that.

Michelle also played a particularly strong game. She was our transition player, turning defense into offense with choice passes up to our forwards. Now that she's bagged at least one assist, she will also start earning points for fantasy players.

THE NEW GUYS:
The new guys looked good, our chemistry just looked a little bit off in the second half. It'll come.

GOALIE
(WEBMASTER'S NOTE: We've brought up Reggie Newton from the Tribune farm team. He's promised mediocrity and we'll hold him to that.)

SHOPPER
The Shopper started to flag a bit last season, and I have to say it really needs some fresh energy. Perhaps someone out there will take over?

MONEY
I'll let everyone know next week how much they owe me. Please bring your checkbooks.

that is all,
moe