HOME
By Natasha
- Moe's Tavern Shopper
- The Fighting Illini Edition
- Because perfection is over-rated
- And it's all about the big dance anyway
Shocker
A sluggish, aging, leaderless and uninspired Moe's Tavern slumped to a stunning defeat on Sunday afternoon, dashing hopes of a unanimous number one seeding and stirring whispers that perhaps this proud franchise had been overrated all along. Shell-shocked team members offered no comment after the game, their thousand-yard stares telling a more heartbreaking story than mere words ever could.
Psych!
Fortunately, due to a forfeit by the Corsairs, this was just a scrimmage. So
a rejuvenated, hungry, focused Moe's Tavern surged past their plucky
opponents on Sunday, tying a bow on their undefeated season and sending out
a stern warning to the rest of the league that their only true competition
is themselves.
Game Notes
I have absolutely no idea what the final score was. Maybe 7-4, 8-5,
something like that? All I know is Scott, Mike, Greg, myself and a potential
future Moette named Yvonne were victorious against Jake, Jimmy, Tricia, a
ridiculously energetic Sean and a goalie named Thomas who's probably a solid
sixth on our depth chart. Jake's Jedi mind tricks completely backfired on
him, although he did somehow manage to convince Scott to score a goal on
himself. I don't like playing against Tricia. It's just not right.
Quote of the Game
Greg to a clearly confused Fuller: "Oh no, the bad guys scored again!"
Pete's Wicked Ale Player of the Game
Sean, because he was all over the place. And he made me laugh. And besides,
he's not going to get another crack at it this season.
Bracketology
OK, I had a heart-to-heart with Steve the League Guy today because I wasn't
sure if we'd have a bye on Sunday or not. This was important to me because I
had a chance to attend a yoga teacher's training seminar in Urbana this
weekend and despite all my hours of study, I still haven't found a way to be
in two places at once. So here's the deal: we are playing on Sunday. I
repeat, we do have a game this Sunday. Apparently, Corsair (the last-place
team) has been DQ'd somehow. As a result, the #8 and #9 teams (both of whom
we've beaten) will have a play-in at 12:00. We will then take on the winner
at 1:00. The rest of the match ups are #7 vs. #2, #6 vs. #3 and #5 vs. #4.
The following week, assuming we win, we will play a semifinal at 12:00 with
the final taking place at 2:00. Due to my lack of proper yogic
contemplation, I will be reincarnated as a squirrel in my next life.
In Summary...
We are playing at 1:00 this weekend. This is for all the marbles, folks.
It's time to set aside the euphoria of our perfect season and focus on the
task at hand. Damn it, I want another grotesquely oversized championship
sweatshirt to wear when I'm dusting my cabinets. Oh, what, like you don't
use yours for menial household chores too. Anyway, please, please, please
let Steve know as soon as possible if you won't be able to attend. We may be
forced to reduce your share of any post-championship endorsements, but
you'll still get your name on the cup.
Second effort
Obviously, last week's hysterical begging did nothing to sway Casey to our
cause. So this time I'm going to try false bravado. Because, seriously,
Tricia and I will have a whole hour to rest between games on the 20th, so
it's not like we'll even need a sub. I mean, it'd be sort of nice to have
someone else there, but it's not like we're desperate or anything.
Seriously, Casey, if you even just want to come and, like, cheer us on or
whatever that's totally cool. You know, it's always great to see you and
everything. What? No, I'm not crying. No, I just, uh, I just have this sinus
thing going on right now. Yeah, it's no big deal. Huh? Well, yes, as a
matter of fact that is why I'm whimpering. Haven't you ever heard of the
Asian Whimper Flu? It's going around my office. But, uh, you know, don't
sweat it. It's nothing. I'm totally fine.
[Shopper ends.]
[whimper.]