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By Natasha
- Moe's Tavern Shopper
- Now loaded with extra women
- You heard me -- extra women
- Pinch me, I'm used to the pain
News Flash: Chicks invade Moe's!
The Moe's Tavern advanced scouting team of Scott and Jimmy have come through big time, securing season-long deals with two women who aren't me and Tricia. I look forward to the day when all four of us take the floor at the same time while the men of Moe's sit on the sidelines drinking mint juleps as they are wont to do. So welcome, Melissa and Missy! You have already contributed more to the long-term health of the team than you will ever know.
News Flash: Natasha takes vacation; feels little to no guilt!
I'm afraid I won't be there to welcome Melissa, share a shift with Missy or
weep tears of joy with Tricia this Sunday. It's probably a good thing,
because if Moe's exceeded its limit of three girls at once the earth might
explode.
News Flash: Moe's opens with a win!
There were a few scary moments in Sunday's game against a team with pretty
impressive scoring potential. We built up a huge lead in the first half only
to see our opponents slowly chip away at it in the second. And then they
started chipping away at it a little faster. And then the next thing you
know, Scott calls a time out with 12 minutes remaining and reams us all out
a bit in that loving and compassionate manner only Scott can pull off. I
once again forgot everything he said instantly because it was just me and
Missy out there and 12 minutes is a long-assed time. And also, I was
secretly afraid that Missy would run away when she heard how many miles I'd
logged last season. Fortunately for us, the opposing team had a goalie who
was twenty-five feet tall, weighed a buck eighty and moved like one of those
goofy articulated wind-sock things you see at drag races. And before you go
asking why I would know so much about drag races, allow me to clarify my
central point here: their goalie sucked. I'm not sure of the final score. In
fact, we may never know. Please read on.
News Flash: It probably doesn't matter!
The scores of last week's games have not been posted to the SportsMonster
website yet. This, combined with Sean's comment that league brass told him
to come at 12:00 when the first game was at 11:00 leads me to the
unfortunate conclusion that SportsMonster has once again started the season
by screwing up. And once you've reached that conclusion, it's only a matter
of time before you realize that SportsMonster will probably declare the
first week null and void and schedule us for a double-header later on in the
season. And you know what? I don't care. We've got four freaking women, for
goodness' sake. Bring it on!
Keystone Light Player of the Game
Scott. No one brings the timely pep talk like Scott. I just wish he didn't
have to use it quite so much.
Quote of the Game
Opposing goalie (to Natasha during half time): "You know, the thing about
daily savings time? It's like, you don't lose an hour of drinking. You lose
an hour of sleep. Am I right?"
News Flash: All y'all suckers have a game on Sunday!
OK, you're on at noon. You're playing Tom's team. If anyone can't make it,
please let Steve know as soon as possible. Hey, Steve? I can't make it.
Someone else needs to write the Shopper, unless you just want me to make
stuff up. Tell you what, you supply the facts and I'll supply the
witticisms. Sound fair?
[Shopper ends.]