By Moe

• Moe's Tavern Shopper
  
• My first Shopper
  
• Brought to you by my Adidas socks
  
• Have you seen Moe's engine? It's really clean

That team was on crack
I think it's the only logical explanation. It didn't seem like we played THAT poorly. But then Marty (known to his WWF compatriots as "Thor, God of Thunder") knocked the snot out of me and the last 25 years of my life started to run together. I take solace in the fact that we are still the best looking team out there. Visually, we heat things up pretty good.

Rose
If Cat Stevens is still looking for a hard-headed woman, she just signed a multi-year contract with Moe's. I know technically we're up against each other for rookie of the year, but I'm not even going to pretend that my puny exploits compare. I'm just Marty's little punching bag. Besides, a win for Rose is a win for Adidas socks.

Reggie
Not to be outdone by Moe, Slap Shot Nolan pulled off her own recruiting coup this week. Don't be deceived by the score. Reggie made a strong debut between the pipes, especially considering we hung him out like wet knickers on several occasions. Marty in particular, because he was busy beating his teammates senseless. Obviously, Marty's mother used to feed him little girls like me for breakfast.

Jen, Mike M., and I
On the floor, our achievements were debatable. But we've contributed in a very important way: we've paid Moe. I've been trying to introduce two parallel themes here. Theme 1, Marty's an ass for hitting me. Theme 2, I can hold a fairly nasty grudge. In fact, the average Croatian grudge lasts 700 years and culminates in armed conflict. So please pay Moe.

Strategy
I'm drawing a blank here. My personal strategy is to stay the hell away from Marty for a while. But that's just part of a life-long plan to not be hit by things that are bigger than me. I know I'm a dreamer, but isn't that what Moe's Tavern is all about?

-Natasha