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By Natasha
- Moe's Tavern Shopper
- Victorious among all other Shoppers
- Brought to you by the multicolored bruises
- currently covering both my legs
The early bruise gets the worm
There was some seeding confusion, owing to more SportsMonster craziness, but ultimately Moe's finished third and was therefore obliged to play the Half Nuts in week one at, like, 5:30 in the morning. It was a typical Moe's/Nuts affair, with us really not dictating play the way we should have and them not really doing much to take advantage of that fact. Tom has now evolved to the point where he can manipulate other people with his mind. To demonstrate his powers, he compelled all of his teammates to hit me with their shots while he stood back trying to look innocent.
All's welt that ends welt
Despite some frantic scrambling and tense moments, we came away the winners by a two-goal margin. I blocked four shots with my thighs, so I think this entitles me to at least one U from Scott's W.
Keystone Light Player of the Game
It's a two-horse race this week between Melissa and Mike. Greg took himself out of the running early by burying that clearing pass into my leg. And come to think of it, Mike kind of cursed me with his whole, “at least you got the bruise out of the way early” comment. So it's Melissa all the way. She kept her sense of humor even after being struck in the neck by Tom or one of Tom's human puppets.
Dazed and Contused
SportsMonster hasn't managed to post an actual proper schedule at this point, but I think I'm interpreting their confusing playoff formula correctly when I say we're on at noon. We face Isaac and Sons, to whom we dealt a crushing blow earlier in the year in probably one of our best games this season. It's going to take the full force of our Moenificence to pull out another win, so be sure and let Steve know as soon as possible if you will not be able to make it. Should we prevail, the championship game will take place at 1:00. Bring bananas! They're like super food!
[Shopper ends.]