By Moe

Schedule update:
Due to the Super Bowl, our first game will not be Jan. 30, but Feb. 6 at 8:30 p.m., Lincoln Park High School, 2001 N. Orchard.(see map.) We will be team #2. I don't know if we are white or dark, or what the color scheme situation is, so for the first game please bring both.

• a shopper for the new millenium
  
• brought to you by Harp's, an uncommon lager
  
• and the Mark II, where time and space collide

A new season is upon us
Later this month, Moe's Tavern will take the floor again in what is destined to be a championship season. We have renewed the contracts of 9 of our players, and acquired two new ones in the off-season. Our new goaltender is Dan "Woodsy" Woodward, who brings a love of Genesee beer to the team. He's also a character guy in the locker room, so we're glad to have him on board. He'll be bunking with Crash Brown on road trips. We also welcome Tina Kirsh, who previously played on the semi-pro Hollywood Knights, where she displayed grit and savvy. Leaving the team: Tracy Jake Siska, who will be undergoing anger management counseling ordered by the league, and Ellen Serr, whose face will be placed on a milk carton due to her mysterious disappearance.

Web site
The web site will soon contain a roster, team biographies, the schedule and so on. Check back early and often. You may not be receiving e-mail transmissions anymore, or perhaps just reminders.

Change of venue
We will not be playing at Edgy Presby this season. Our new gym is at Lincoln Park High School, 2001 N. Orchard, which is Orchard and Armitage. (Orchard is between Halsted and Sheffield). There is a parking lot, so team members who are late for games will be fined a dollar a minute. The fine fund, which will also accumulate money for fines given to unacceptable behavior, will later be used to plug the jukebox at whatever becomes our home bar.

Off season training
I haven't done anyway, so I'm fat and slow. I expect the rest of you to not follow my example. Do what I say, not what I do.

That's all for now, because I'm not feeling very funny. I drank too many Harp's, the uncommon lager, last night.

Moe