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By Moe
- Moe's Tavern Shopper
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- "a shiny apple, made of ham"
Marty Who?
The leaner, slimmer Moe's machine kicked into gear with an astounding shellacking of yet another lousy opponent. The buzz in the press is whether Marty has lost his starting role, given the team's tremendous 10-2 performance in his absence. Marty was not available for comment, but Mike "Steak" Muyres was overheard gloating in the locker room.
"If I ever see that rat bastard in here again I'll kick his ass," Muyres reportedly said. "This is my team now!"
Cate, always one to play the peacemaker, begged of everyone: "Can't we all just get along?" And then she put on that cute little hat of hers and went grocery shopping.
Overlooked amidst the sudden ascendancy of Steak to chief playmaker was the spectacular play of Moe, who scored so many goals he actually lost count.
"Now I know what Marty means when he says he doesn't keep track of goals," Moe said. "I never believed him because, c'mon, like who doesn't keep track of their goals? But it happened to me yesterday, and it felt good."
Moe went on to caution the team that, though a nice playoff tune-up, much tougher teams await in the playoffs, including the team with cute little Kelly and her friend, who keep trying to steal Marty away from Moe's.
Hey, come to think of it, maybe Marty stayed away yesterday to force a contract dispute and jump ship...He has been rather Frank Thomas-like lately. Can he prove he was out of town?
Anyway, Moe's must once again commend Cate and Natasha for turning in a Class A performance in the face of adversity. Their play this season has been All-Star caliber.
The lack of commitment shown by some of their teammates once again left them as the only two women. I could go into a lecture here about the commitment one makes not only to oneself, but to one's teammates, and even the opposing team, but it's a tired lecture. Let's just say there will be repercussions.
("Did you order a Code Red?" "You're damn right I did!")
Playoffs begin Sunday - you will be notified of the game time later this week.
In the meantime, I'd like to recount just one of my many goals, because it was actually a tribute to Steak's pinpoint passing. I was standing in front of the goal, a step and a half right of center, when Steak's pass came through the traffic so perfectly positioned that I didn't even really shoot it. I placed my blade on the floor and watched contentedly as the ball softly caressed the middle of said blade and rolled down the curve, directed inside the post with nary a centimeter to spare.
There were many other wonderful moments, but that was a sweet one.
And the one where I deflected the ball with my foot onto my stick and sent that baby home. And the one...well, you all saw it, all of them. They're all my babies, and I love them equally.
Moe out.