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By Guest Moe, Natasha
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Sayonara!
For those of you who haven't heard, I have a vacation coming up in approximately 6 hours, 49 minutes and 53 seconds. Minus an hour for lunch. Not that I'm counting. You could say that over the past couple of weeks I've been sort of "mailing it in". My level of commitment to just about everything has been pretty sketchy. And since I have such a charismatic personality, I've obviously been pulling all of you right along with me. What we need to do is snap out of it, regain a little of the stick-to-it-iveness that has made this floor hockey franchise what it is. Right after a nice, long holiday in Japan.
Hey professor, what's another word for pirate treasure?
In a shockingly Vince Carter-esque move, Marty ditched us all on
Sunday
to
attend his graduation. Controversial? You bet. Some of his teammates
may
have issued terse "no comments", but I applaud the big guy for taking
time
to savor his achievements away from the field of battle. And I applaud
Casey
Hello, Nasty.
Needless to say, short handed as we were, and what with my brain off
on
another continent, we were hard-pressed to compete with the toughest
team
in
the league. But I don't think we embarrassed ourselves. If we'd pissed
our
pants, that would've been embarrassing. All we did was lose.
Cuz she's the cheese and he's the macaroni...
News flash: myself and half the Jennifers on the team agree that the
ref
has
a bit of a "thing" for our Ellen. Let's just say he'd like to be the
Adrock
to her Ione. If you know what I mean.
We gotta fight!
Last season, I gave everyone on the team warrior names before the
playoffs.
They didn't really pan out too much, so instead of ditching the whole
concept I'm just going to issue new ones. Cate, since Doug Gilmour
retired
you can be Killer (incidentally, I heard he's looking for a Sunday rec
league team if anyone wants to give him a call). Jen T, since Dale
Earnhardt's dead you will be The Intimidator. Nobody wants to get
stuck
in
the corner with Jen because she runs her mouth like a chainsaw and
she's
not
afraid to bump people off the puck.
Ellen, you're Tie Freaking Domi. Just like that. Tie FREAKING Domi.
Steve, you're Darius Kasparitus. I want to see mean, brutal, demoralizing clutch goals out of you. And some ugly checks. Grrr. Marty, you're Einstein. Be smart, score often. Woodsy is still New Hampshire.
Sean is Ohio Player because he's a skin tight love rollercoaster and a funky-music-playing white boy all rolled into one. Eric the Rookie is The Gambler. Have a fun in Vegas.
Dizzy was the Keystone Light Player of the Game. But I'm naming him for a different cheap beer: Rolling Rock. Some of you may wonder why Dizzy always gets the beer-related nickname. Good question. Jen Casey, you are now Athena, the warrior-goddess who leapt fully-formed from Zeus' head.
I will be jetlagged off my ass.
Hey Ladies...
Part of my whole "ditchin' this country" thing involves running out on
my
Wednesday night team. So if any of you female Moes would like to get a
little extra practice in, please e-mail Cate for details.
Check your heads
Don't forget, no games next week due to Memorial Day. Playoffs start
June
3.
Cate, please let me know what time the game is once you find out.
Provided
I
can respond to mild stimuli at that point, I will show up and at least
stand
there looking pissy. Everyone: contemplate your nicknames, sleep with
your
stick, drink too much, and prepare to kick a little floor hockey ass.