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By Guest Moe, Eric "The Rookie"
- Moe's Tavern Shopper Summer Blow-out Sale!
- Buy one Shopper, get another one FREE!
- A memoir of a rookie:
The season moved much too fast for me to make a Sandburgian opus, though I find it both satisfying and pretentious to throw in some Latin word for absolutely no reason. I hope to laud my fellow teammates for a well fought season. Also more importantly, helping me rein in my tendency to use loose interpretations of the rules to my advantage. Certainly, I always believe that if I am in the bottom half of the talent pool, I must compensate by hustling and being a relative pain in the ass. Though part of that shined through during my announcement that "I was raised by sailors" (or an Army Sergeant, but equally authoritarian), my teammates chained the monster, and gently reminded that sort of behavior is unbecoming to a Moe's Tavern athlete.
The question still remains of how the union of the rookie and Moe's Tavern came about. I wish that my story had more flash than reality, but always, it came down to conservative publicity by the only agent I have ever had: myself. Granted, I received a 12-pack of Keystone Light to play on a floor hockey team in college. Those were the mid 90s, and I was playing goalie at 195 lbs. I was desperate to play, and Moe's Tavern promised fun and a tradition matched by the Dodgers or the Cowboys, but without the collateral cocaine usage.
So I studied the Moe's Tavern web page, hoping to imprint upon Marty that I am worthy to be a part of such a storied franchise Finally, Marty gave me the call, and I joyfully accepted the invitation, and conveniently left out that I have only played goalie. My only hope was to score a goal, and be the forementioned pain in the ass.
I must have looked like a wide-eyed rookie on my first day. Mirrors are in short supply in Lincoln Park, but I can say that Casey looked the part also. It might have been one part fear, one part excitement, and one part waiting for Marty to introduce us. I soon discovered that deep down inside, we all have a love for beer, hockey, and Moe (though this love is different, to different people).
I learned quickly lessons that will last a lifetime in that first game. First, I learned that Marty is good, and that the women of this team are brave. Each of these two attributes contributed to the first two goals of the season, and I haven't touched the floor. As the rookie, I understood the need to play my way into the lineup, and God knows I sat on the bench in high school basketball to prove my point. In a few seconds,, I learned two important lessons from the Moe's faithful.
I assumed that I would play defense, but I was gently informed that I should play forward. The stick felt foreign to me, since now I was given the task of smacking the ball at somebody. I believe Cate fired a shot the goalie, and the rebound arrived at my stick. I misfired a stick-side wrister, and my error rolled in goal, under the sprawling goalie, who assumed that this third line rookie possessed some semblance of hockey skill. Moments later, I thrusted my hands up in glee, and my mind raised for something to do. In an obviously uncoreagraphed (sp) move, I placed the stick between my legs and rode it like a horse. I promptly pulled myself from the game, since I had just performed the baseball equivalent of stealing signs. I learned two important lessons: Humor is very important ("That was funny. . .) and unsportsmanlike behavior will not be tolerated (. . .but, never do that again.")
As the season progressed, I felt honored to present the Keystone Light Player of the Game. It arose from flag football in college, but unlike college, I would expect the recipients to promptly submit the can to their local landfill or recycling center. Everybody deserved their prize, and I wish I purchased more, because more than one person deserved the honor in any given week. This fact remains as my only regret, since you can get wicked drunk off of the swill for 2 or 3 bucks.
I have a great history of playing on second place teams, but none as fun as this one. I look forward to my sophomore year, and hopefully I can take the lessons I have learned at parlay them into a more successful season.
A note to all future rookies: Moe is not a fictitious person. Even though the Shopper seems to portray Moe's fictional, Moe is actually Steve. Also, never play the Beechwood jukebox on your first Friday night, and never call Bob a music fascist. He knows he is.
End of Year Awards:
Semi-final Keystone Light Player of the Game: Sean the Goalie
Final Game Keystone Light Player of the Game: Cate
Keystone Light Player of the Year: Marty (The KLP of the year receives a 12
pack of KL, however, the prize is being held due to an investigation of
Marty's alleged playing of Billy Ocean.)
Rookie out.