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By Guest Moe, Natasha
- Jimmy's Tavern Shopper
- The Lost Weekend Edition
- Moe went to Vegas
- And all I got was this crappy shopper.
Hey Big Spender...
The rumor on the street (and by "on the street," I mean in the gym) is that Moe hit it big betting the ponies. Reliable sources (and by "reliable sources", I mean Casey) tell me he wagered wisely on the breeders' cup and walked away a millionaire (and by "millionaire," I mean not, obviously, a millionaire, but a guy with more money than he had before the breeders' cup). Which begs the question, when are we getting our new 100% silk Moe's dainties?
It's Jimmy's World.
With both Moe and Marty cozying up to lady luck, Team Moe's needed some
help in the personnel department. Fortunately, Sean knew all the answers
(and by "all the answers," I mean two of the answers and by "answers," I
mean guys). Our newest full-time Moe, Jimmy, made his debut and pretty
much took over the team. His super-long pass to Mike midway through the
first half sparked immediate urban legends, and his crack shot proved
deadly on occasion. Besides, I've never seen Sean so happy (and by
"happy," I mean drunk).
Jason the Funky Canadian
Our amazing super sub for the week was Jason, a tenaciously perky Canadian
who cheerfully played the whole game in jeans. You could tell he was
Canadian because he had one of those freaky Canada shirts on. What is up
with the Canada shirts? Is this some kind of grassroots nationalistic
initiative (and by "grassroots nationalistic initiative," I mean cult)?
Oh yeah, we won.
Keystone Light Player of the Game
This is turning into the toughest award in a tin can. Every week the Moes
that show give everything they've got to winning, and it's next to
impossible to pick the top performer. After a while you get jaded to
Jimmy's gorgeous play-making, Casey's all-out hustle and Carmella's
full-floor instincts. You get sick of wondering how much faster Jason
would be if he didn't have to stop to readjust his levis, and you shrug
your shoulders at yet another of Sean's jaw-dropping pad saves. But the
one thing that continues to amaze me, week in and week out, is Mike's
ability to get penalized for doing absolutely nothing. The fall guy racked
up another minute in the sin bin this week for viciously not attacking
someone on the other team, and for this he earns a Keystone Light (and by
"a Keystone Light," I mean nothing).
The grassy knoll, Jen Sweeney, and other conspiracy theories
Seriously, is there a Jen Sweeney? Did she tag along with Marty and Moe to
Sin City? Is she in hiding? Did she have an allergic reaction to Tribune's
new Red Eye edition?
Next Game
This Sunday's contest is at 1:00. We're playing a team called Reckless
Bacon that, according to the SportsMonster website, has -3 ranking points.
Hopefully, this isn't like some matter/antimatter thing whereby they
actually make us worse in the course of the game. Also, please note that
our contest with Calvin's Crew has been rescheduled for the Sunday after
Thanksgiving and that SportsMonster apparently thinks Thanksgiving is on
the third Thursday in November, not the fourth. And by "SportsMonster
apparently thinks," I mean SportsMonster is run by drunk chimpanzees.
-nj out